The Show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
dum de dum
dudum de dum
Just enjoy the show
dum de dum
dudum de dum
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

if, i m blogging?

not sure if i'm going to have this post finished and posted.
hah, it seems like forever...
so many uncompleted drafts, saved, forgotten and then deleted..
huh!
not sure if i'm blogging...
guess, i've forgotten how.
there are so many in it... but so difficult to let out...

well....
hmmm.......
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hahaaaahaaa...
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ok, so that's it?
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seriously
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.
oh, was it seriusly or seriously??
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did i spell it wrongly?
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WOW!!
such a pretty one!
hahaa, love that big big laugh!!
don't you?
nah, laughter is good.
you, don't enjoy laughing?
no, i bet u do, everyone do.
oohohh.. i was in Starbucks, Time Square
was the pic taken months ago or year ago?
yaya, so happy because i got to sit on that big comfy couch!
because of the ice cold java chips frap...
because of the cheesy cheese cakes...
because of every tiny little things...
everything used to be so simple and beautiful, right?
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.
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Grrrgggg....
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sigh?
mindless.
i got stuck in the middle of words, again!
hoping that uploading some pictures would helps...
it, really have been a long long while....
mind wandering...
there are so many, so many in mind...
a little bit of these and, a little bit of that....
i wonder....
if only i knew how to reorganize them...
if only i knew how to blog, ever again...


ha!
i'll try, i can try...
so, here it goes....

when,

Ginger appeared in facebook ... when little red becomes her symbolic ... when a blue board taught her to voice out... when optimistic created dissapointment... when she found subway is lots better with Elena in Michigan, while Ah Yip's soup seems good for sharing... herbal tea helps strengthen their friendship... when wealth brought her into a cave... when work life make her a director of the aeroplane group... when puppets arounds makes her tougher...when a chicken made her low pay..... when culture fixed her into a superwoman.... when 'straight straight shoot, no face give' made her a difficult character... when a ego calls her to fight back... when there are some 'men' on earth makes her a greater gender... when she found dependent girls, so much a trouble makers... when she dive along Redang coral reef, so much a wonderful escapedia... when she found a slight hope in Japan... while NZ another option for her... when migraine taught her the power of love... when Thai food doesn't seems to work very well... while moon shines above the pyramid melted her heart a little... when she learns about the life balancing games... when she started to feel uncertain and insecure... when something incommon turns her life up side down... when distance makes her learns to care... when some old time drama bring them closer togather.... when she found herself was almost conquered.... with courage, she found the energy... when she experienced it, she knew how challenging it is... with passion and belief, she knew she will realize her dreams... when time tickling away, she eyes life turning complicated... sometimes, challenges make her breathless... confusion get into her emotion... sometimes, she don't understand, why is it sometimes, there is emptiness in life....

which...

she is now, feeling exhausted.
o

一个老是掉牙的故事

j

Image taken from Google

醒来，确定是一种恐惧。
昨晚，没睡得很好。
心事重重。
妹告知我，爸妈待会会上来。
很久都没一家人一起吃晚饭了，因为我们都不回家。
心情很烦躁，因为很忙，很烦，很头痛，很想失踪，很想痛哭。

整天，就无法把双唇合上。
有点牙磨牙的感觉。
在外，开始吃晚餐时，不时发现。。。
我掉了颗牙。
心中一阵恐惧。
不知怎么了, 心里酸溜溜的。。。
不舒服，然后当场呕吐。
我，双眼红透，哭了。
我，尽然呕出了一整口的牙齿。
不是一颗颗的，是许多许多磨得很碎的牙齿。
满口是血，伤心又狼狈，觉得自己像怪兽。
及时离开。
不敢跑向有人群的地方，害怕。
不时听见有个小女孩，向我方指着说，
"Mom, look at her! That girl is toothless."
我，跑。不停的跑，眼泪不停直镖。。。

回家，我回去倒头就睡。
希望醒来会是场梦。
后来，像个无助的小女孩般，倒在妈的怀抱
红着眼睛，塞透的鼻子，用那哭沙哑了的喉咙说
“妈，这次没在梦中的严重，它掉剩一颗。这一颗可以咬菜。这样不会饿。”

这一次，
我又再次的醒来了。该是真的醒来了吧。
没有眼红耳塞，却心跳得快要不能。
赶快用舌头确认一下，放松身体。
对于掉牙的梦，我也算是习惯了。
记得，第一次发掉牙梦是在我读大一那年。
那第一次是一颗牙。
然后继续几年，有时一颗，有时三颗。
在我打人生的第一份工时，我脱过了上排牙。
我以为这是极点了。
后来，有个看过解梦书的朋友对我解读说
掉牙代表心理压力。
我想,
这一次的心灵压力，又再提升了。
这一次，我把所有的牙都咬碎了。。。
那，这一次是不是已是极点了？
是不是要看心理医生了啊？
哈哈哈哈。。。。
j

I'm Sorry

(Ehh... i didn't know that i've save this draft, it was months ago... it's November 2008. Ha! wat's the story about ar? I really can't recall, but it's ok, i'm glad i don't, because it sounds sad ... LOL ....) - note updated on 23rd May 2009.

sorry...
i almost have abandoned u
sorry...
i pretended that i need no one to talk to...
sorry...
i've given myself too many excuses
sorry...
sorry that i felt... somehow relief when i lost all my phone contacts
sorry...
i pretended to enjoy working as a workholic...


no, not hiding....
i'm not hiding myself...
i just thought that...
i just need sometime.... being alone
i thought...
a brand new start, has to be totally without u...
sorry that i still misses u...
but it's ok...
i am not allowing myself to look back...
o

i've been working hard...

working real hard...

to untangle myself...
sorry... i sincerely wanted to say thank you to you, so much...
no, you know i shouldn't...
not even a word of 'Hi' or 'Thanks'...
ya, you know i shouldn't.
you never want to hurt me ever again...
don't you?
no, you don't want to....
and you never ever gonna affort to...


trust me...
i'm not as tough as you thought...
i'm never as what you thought of...
i'm sorry...
sorry for not seeing your way though...
sorry... i can't.
seriously, i can't anymore.
exhausted, somehow foolish
Aha, now only i realized that..
AND
i'm moving on... :P
o

bla bla bla...

You noticed how time flies...

when, you ran out of toiletries.
y

And, when u went out for groceries

the sales person recommended you

a " Wrinkle Away" facial cleanser.
h

Another hair cut in May.
Ya, one shorter after another...

Gonna keep a short hair for at least...

....a year? or more, maybe.

Short hair make me looks tougher.

Lots of sweet treats recently...

Ha! Now i see being selfish is good.

So, I am not sharing with you anymore.
Sorry, if you think i am being cruel...

I've learned the lessons, dear.

And now, I just want to be happy.

p

Flowers... isn't it lovely?

Well, from today's onwards...

I'm a flower person.

Mommy, Happy Mother's Day.

Muack.

p

Ooo... since when i am afraid of thunder and lightning? H~elp~

With high heels...

You will look more confidence and... elegant.

The higher it is, the sexier you look.

Shit! I seriously need a footherapy!
0

I was with a horrifying appetite this lately.

Guess, low signal showing...

"Linly, your brain juice significantly reduced...

So, continue eating, don't stop! "
And gosh, I'm not even controlling...

Ohh.... please pray hard for me.

=

Laundry Bar, The Curve. (Feb)

k

Ohhhh... I can't believe that I have to 'ffk'

our once a while girls night out because of my OT job.

Ohhh... I hate myself so much!
k

SiChuan, China.

Together we pray.

o

One thing i feel like doing...

...is to ride on a long distance train...

Going somewhere, seeing someone.

p

Looking back at some old photo albums...

yellowish, there had became...

We used to be there for one another...

how many laughter and tears we had shared...

yet, not seeing each other anymore.

Like memories, our friendship faded.

k

饥饿30 (30 Hour Famine)

I wanted to join the camp this year...

But how to participate? Who to contact?

Any guidelines? Anyone? Please advise.

u

Sorry. I just have to announce this to the world.

Gan proposed, and Tracy said YES!!

Congratulation!! Congratulation!!

o

I found no screwdriver at home after I've dumped everything out. Ohhh yes, Linly was man enough to build herself a DIY storage shelf in the middle of the night! Well, nothing gonna stop me from doing this! Fork and scissor to replace the screwdriver.

i

Wakakaaa... Yes Yes!! it didn't work out. Now, you see croaked forks and a badly blunted scissors. OK! Don't laugh! I went back to sleep, and bought a set of tools and have it fixed the next day. Ooh, don't need to tell me, i know i m smart. Thank you.
u

For goodness's sake!! Stop saying me being choosy or what? It's just that you are being shallow! So what if I'm single. It doesn't mean that someone approached you and you have to 'tak sabar-sabar' nod your head. I really don't see why i have to mess up my decent life with someone... a so called simply grabbed "BF" who i hardly feel for? Just because everyone around are in pairs, and u are a lonely single?

o

Sorry lor, I just don't need one to be content lor! I'm very happy being single now and of course, if i meet my Mr.Right, that surely will be icing on an already decadent cake! So, if you are boring and desperate for company, as a friend I will try to be there for you. But if still you don't see my points clearly... well, then I'm not even going to share my bag of popcorn with u lor...
p

WAkakaaa.... nice? nice?

Max was back from the UK!!

He brought mom chocolates BUT

a Burberry scarf and glove for me!!

p

WAkaaaa!!!

I laughed so hard!

So smart, he knew i love winter scarf.

Hahaa!! Of course must camwhore a bit...

o

Opp! Forgot to put on make up tim...
but still looks like a rich 'tai tai'.
Hahaaaa....
Thank, cousin Max for making me a material girl!
p

Enjoy seeing lots of lots of people...
All the different different peoples in life...
U never know how much you can learn from everyone of them.
o

Ohhh I want my Subway Hot Meatballs Marinara Sandwich NOW!!!

So hungry! Faster stop raining ler!

o

Cheers!

Cheers for better days tommorrow.
Till then.

Will You Marry Me?

Been choosing long enough and…
a YES finally.
But how well can one pick?
All things happened out of a sudden…
I was prepared YET, I am not prepared.
Wondered if I have really made up my mind?
Or, am I being just…. IMPULSIVE?
Is this the right choice?
Knowing that I might be losing my freedom after tonight…
2.45am.
So, it’s another sleepless night…
Getting too excited for tomorrow...
Well, let me blog about this evening then.

# # # # #

All the way we drove to Shah Alam, Mc Donald for dinner
Thought of trying the Big Mac Chant, but it was already 8.15pm
The free Big Mac give away was out 15 mins ago…
We still have a great meal, anyway.
Meanwhile, we kill times at the nearest Coffee Bean.
There, he was busy using his new palm,
while I was busy playing with his laptop…
Not too much of conversation...
8 cigarettes he had in less than 1 and a half hour
No, it was 7.
He accidentally dropped one from his shivering fingers.
Later, we headed back home.
In the night, I see lamp poles dancing along the quiet freeway,
with not so many cars…
I enjoyed this one last peaceful and beautiful late evening…
Wondered what will happen after tonight.
Tomorrow, a total brand new life of mine…
New days, new peoples, and a brand new ME.

He : Hm… I brought Siu Hung and Debbie with me that other day, they helped me picked up a ring.
Me: Hahaaa, a wedding ring?
(I was trying to be fun, but he was quiet.)

Me: OMG, you are going to propose…? Aren’t you?
He: Hmm…… Y....e… ssss, and I am afraid that…it will be a…..‘No’.
(A long silence from us both…..)

Me: ….. Well…. to be frank, this sounds a bit scary to me lor. Hahaa, now I can really imagine how it really looks like when it happens to me.
(Immediately I saw saddening in his eyes. Now I understand what have been really bothering him the whole night)

Me: Now, listen. What I mean is that… all this while we have been hearing who is getting married.... who and whose wedding dinner we are attending, but never really heard about the process of bringing friends to pick up a ring, planning on how to propose to someone you love and stuffs… It’s a total new topic to me…. And you know, I was those with full of imagination… you shows me a brick, I can immediately think of how a pyramid was built… and that’s why… emm… you see, these is something very unfamiliar to me…. Aiyah, I duno how to explain myself ler!

He: Ya, I understand…. And that’s why it took guys lots of courage to do so.

Me: Hmm… to me ler, I just start of with my career, marriage will not be in my list of consideration in this short while lor, plus I still have lots to do and explore lor. And pls understand... this is just ME. So what if SHE is 2 years younger than me? Like you say, both you are steady and you have a career and you see future in others… it can still be a YES, right? Hmmm, different people think differently. I can’t talk on behalf of all other girls; moreover she is your girlfriend. You should understand her better.

He: Hmm.... like you said, she is 2 years younger than you and that is my main concern.

Me: Yes or No the answer might be, but still she loves you right? Don’t you just agree that asking a girl to be your GF is lots harder than proposing a marriage? Courting a girl…you worried that u might scare her away, and not even a normal friend of her in your whole life. The risk is so much higher, don’t you just think so? But, asking someone who willing to stay with you for years to marry you can’t be that difficult right? Even if she says No, this doesn’t mean that she will runaway with someone else, maybe... it is just not the right time yet, then be more patience.

So Kawan… a very nice and sweet girl she is, and I like her lots… So brother, you have all my supports (Hey, not every couple I support geh ok?) and Hey, What are you still waiting for? ChooChoo... Faster go for her ler!! Good Luck and Gan Bah Teh ooo!

To protect the innocent, not going to review the couples’ names untill SHE say, YES! (Can ar? Can review ar later?) Heehee...

o

# # # # #

And so to my FREEDOM....

Yes, i just said YES to a new job recently.

So, new life begin and,

All the best for tomorrow! :P

A Nature Tripping

After being kept like an indoors plant for weeks, i was almost deprived with adequate fresh air and sunlight. Ohh i started to miss the forest, rock, stream... ahh.... all the wilderness, all the beauties of nature...
So with these few buddies of mine, we have decided to take on a hiking trip to Bukit Tabur, Taman Melawati. I'm not sure if i can do this after not doing any sport for months or... years?? After turning all my muscles to shaking fats... ohh yes yes, i see flappy under arm, spare tyre and double chin on mine...
o
Okok, whatever it is, i really have this plan to climb mount Kinabalu, so i might just train up myself from this 'anak bukit' lar! Sigh? I am still doing great....

Yeah... i'm still doing great... Hahaaa!!.... not until i was at our 50km hike.... Ohh... i was definitely out of breath!! i even felt like throwing up (No, i didn't! I just felt like i wanted to).

p

And, Dee was there standing by with my camera to take that special moment of mine, and so do Kam Hoong who had taken this 'nice' shot of us. While Fab, sitting aside taking his Red Bull. Huh!! Not even a back rub from one of them, my so called buddies! So, now u guys know how 'good' my friends are....
o

Ya... poor Linly. To be frank, i was not feeling very well.... was about to give up... I wondered if i can ever make it to the top? I wondered if i was good enough to climb mount KK?

o

Okok, I can do it! I can do it! Yes!! Linly can do it!! A prior preparation for Mount KK!! Aja Aja Fighting!! See? I managed, and went on anyways. We can even still posed for photo while half way climbing up. Good girl Linly! Later......

o

BooHooo!!! Cried and laughed Linly at the sametime....

o

I puked! Yuck!! Hahaaa... Thank Dee, for being soooo.... curious of what i've ate that early in the morning. So, you see hotdog? or roti canai? Eww....

o

Hahaaa.... it was awful!

But i felt much better after that...

o

There, we happily continued our trek...
o

We were heading up the hill....
o

Nope, we are not there yet.

o
Not even half of it...

o

But the view is already impressive!!

o

Isn't it beautiful?

o

The scenery is just simply stunning!

o

Haa... but someone claimed that the dam looks like 'chicken feet'.

o

Then, of course it's time for some photo shoots lor!! "P

o

Yeah.. I love this photo of Fab.

o

Haaa..

'I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

Here is my handle, here is my spout...

lalalaaaa....'

Ohh, silly Dee, we know u were...Kekeee..

o

Yohh!! It's Kam Hoong's version of superman pose...

o

Okler, i knew i have a big flat round ROTI face ler!!

o

Fab again!! another nice picture of him.

Now, i know why...all the pics looked nice without showing his face.

Don't you just agree? :P

o

Ok, so the guys love using the superman pose...

and they make me one, too.

o

"Yes! Linly Boleh!!"

But why? Why is Kam Hoong trying to punch me?

o

Then, someone was complaining that we

have been dragging his feet up the hill...
o

Too many photo shoots, too many rest times.

yer.... people first time to Bukit Tabur mah...

o

So, on the trail up the hill again...
o

The sign where Dee pointed at...

" 回头是岸" ( Whui Tao Si Onn)
o

With my translation, it will be " If you turn back right now, you can still see the shore", which means DANGER ahead, so turn back! LOL....
o

But to me....

this is one of the best and challenging part of this hill climb.
i

And, this is what makes Bukit Tabur different from other jungle treks.
i

Fabian, the well-equipped trekker.

Huhh... he had bottles of water, Counterpain, Red bull, Livita,

chocolate bar, biscute.... and etc. Fab, are you here for picnic?

i

Syiok!!

i

Haaa, how often can you have this kind of experience?
i

Linly, the only lenglui trekker with her half way hanging pose.
i

Dee, the boss, the experience trekker.
i

Kam Hoong, the nature lover trekker and

our personal professional photographer. :P

i

Then, we reached another coolest parts of the hike.

The rock climbing! WooHoo!!
Even Wong Choi wanna come with us...

Ohhh, where do it come from?
A jungle dog?
i

Then this stupid Fabian started making silly joke like...

" Hahaa Linly, i saw your panty! It's pink!

Ohh no? It must be purple! Right?"
i

"Hah silly you, guess what babe? I have nothing on me!!

Now you know my secret! And there you go!!"
u

And this is the final shot of Fab....

And GONE the guy who bullshitting all his way up! huh!
i

So, when we went over one peak, we saw another higher peak...
i

If only you just realised the hike has became more and more challenging. From soft ground we had advanced to the stone wall hikes. We were hiking from peak to peak...
i

This picture clearly illustrates how high and dangerous the peak was.

We look so tiny!

( Kam Hoong took this pic of us far from the other peak.)

i

Ohhh are we there yet? When is this going to over? I started to lose patient when there are too many irritating sweat bees and mosquitoes buzzing over my head... Fab, you have everythings but not mosquitoes repellents?

i

After all the hard rock climbing,

we were back to the soft green forest.

i

And there are beautiful moss, like carpets...
i

Look! There are even orange moss. So pretty...

u

Us, picture in the wild. :P

u Fabian, me and Kam Hoong
u

Hahaa... Photo snapping again!

u

Jesus Loves You

u

Ohh... Dee took this photo for us. So nice,

which make him so jealous, as he is not in it.
Wahahaaa...

u

Yoh! one more shot.

Trying not to look at Dee's grumpy looking face.

Kekeeee....
u

Buddha Loves you.

Allah also loves you.

Dewa loves you.

And we love you, too.

u

Kam Hoong, Dee, Linly and Fabian.

o

The trekkers of the day.

Finally, our one and only group photo of the trip.
y

Ohh i looked as red as a tomoto...

ohh, supposed to be an oily and sweaty round red tomato.
y

Lastly, we reach the end of Bukit Tabur.

y

However, it was kinda dissapointed as we were told that the Malaysia Flag which marked our victory at the very end was taken down already. Like that tak syiok lor!!
y

Also, the view is not as pretty as before so

we don't even bother to take any picture after that.
y

Then, we hurried down hill using another track, we passed by a fruit orchard which was muddy and slippery.... but lot more quicker before we all turn into BBQ pork.
i

Where some malay kids were happily splashing water in the river, Dee asked us to clean our shoe before getting into his car. Aiiii.... so cham. :(
i

Although i heard my bones cracking...

Although i have got more freckles after that...

Although i have lots of mosquitoes bites... BUT,

See? See? I've got muscles back on my legs! Hah!
u

And of course, a lot of fun indeed.

So, Gunung Naung or Bukit Tabur II next?

Hahaa.. Mount KK?

Hahaa... Linly needs more training first ler!

And it gonna take quite sometimes... :P

ciao.